Feel Life

On By Patti StottsIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

dont-wait

Much of life is spent waiting… Waiting for payday… Waiting for the weekend… Waiting for a sunny day (Okay, well that really doesn’t apply since I live in Arizona)! Days go by, weeks, months, and even years. Letting time just slip away, waiting for something and missing a life that is right in front of me. Friendships overlooked, mountains not hiked, laughter unheard… because I am waiting for something bigger and better, something that I believe will make life complete.

Why is it that there are some lessons in life that I have to keep learning and relearning? Just when I think I have it all figured out, I go and forget. I spend time alone, watching mindless TV. I sit on my bed writing, staring out of my window at the gorgeous day unfolding beyond the blinds. I tend to forget how beautiful these mountains are that I so desperately wanted to surround myself with. I forget how heavenly the fall mornings here in Arizona can be. I forget to run the path near my home, while listening to the sounds coming from the soccer fields nearby that bring me back to when my kids were young.

So, for today, I will try to relearn the lesson I learned many times before. Today, I will meet up with some friends for coffee. I will then take my daughter out shopping, as she requested, and then enjoy a nice dinner out. Tomorrow, I will do more of the same. Hell, I may even call a friend and ask them to join me for lunch. So today, there will be no waiting. Today, I will go out and Feel Life!

~ Patti Crowley

Fear is a Liar

On By Patti StottsIn change, Creating a new you, friendship, goalsLeave a comment

fear

Fear – It’s a liar, truth be told.

It whispers so sweetly in your ear

Its tone comforts the edgiest soul

For its victim it holds no fear.

An injured heart is dangerously fragile

Its ragged edges shiver with every beat

Prone to destruction all the while

Unaware of all the dangers unseen.

Fear haunts the recesses of the mind

Brings with it twisted illusions

More terrifying than any you will find.

Imagined – Wicked – Delusions

Now when the head is light and the eyes are clear

Fear possesses a quite different tone

From that tortured existence you find yourself free

Those demons, now dead and gone.

~ Patti Crowley

Making Room for Sweet Newness

On By Patti StottsIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

serenityfrom past

The quiet and stillness

of a peaceful Sunday morn,

Sitting, breathing, basking in the calm

No longer tired and worn.

The pains and hurts of the past,

She shed like an old worn coat

To make room for sweet newness

Joy rising in her throat.

The sweet spring air rests upon her tongue

The warm sun flushes her pale skin

As she says goodbye to a past

Holding on would only hurt again.

She can’t change what happened yesterday

Can’t wish for a different story

Her gaze is only toward the sun

As it peeks above the mountain’s glory.

~ Patti Crowley

Love Me Anyway

On By Patti StottsIn UncategorizedLeave a comment
broken heart
Look right through me
It’s quite a sight.
Bury yourself in the darkness of my soul,
Squint into my light.
These lines, they keep appearing
Bright eyes will surely fade,
Yet this fragile heart that exists inside
Is certain to remain.
See beneath the outside
Not what they all might see,
For what they see it will not last
It’s not the real me.
Share my pain, acknowledge my faults,
Forgive all my mistakes.
My former self a memory
Its remnants I forsake.
When you touch me, sense my fears,
Wrap me up in your embrace.
Take me broken, bruised, yet healed
And love me anyway.
~ Patti Crowley

Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda

On By Patti StottsIn Uncategorized2 Comments

could haves

Upon returning from a visit back home to Chicago for the holidays, I was left with a severe case of woulda, shoulda, coulda.  I enjoyed a full week of daily visits with old and new friends, family, and all of my favorite Chicago pizzerias and hot dog joints. To say that leaving again was difficult is quite the understatement. At the end of this particular visit, in addition to feeling sad to say goodbye, I also experienced an incredible case of the what-ifs.

What if I had not moved away? Would things be different in my life? Could I have found a happiness that I have yet to experience in my new surroundings in Arizona? Would my relationships be different? Better?

The first few days back in sunny Arizona proved to be exactly the way I felt the last time I came back after a visit home… It was a bumpy re-entry! Homesickness, loneliness, and self-pity set in. Yes, I’m almost embarrassed to admit those feelings because I honestly do love my new home, the weather, and my chance to get back in the classroom teaching. I have also made so many new friends out here, found new hobbies that I love (West Coast Swing Dancing and hiking!), and have settled in quite nicely.

None of those things seemed to matter, however, when homesickness and loneliness began to take over. I found myself wondering what could have been. I slipped back into that pattern of wishing for things I did not have, instead of appreciating the wonderful things I DO have.

When I take even the smallest step back, and open my eyes wide, I can clearly see that I can’t stress the could haves, because if it should have, it would have. It is as simple as that.

So for today, I choose to have faith that whatever is meant to be, will be – and that brings me peace.

~ Patti Crowley

Struggles Lead to Strength

On By Patti StottsIn acceptance, gratitude, happiness, life, life on life's terms, live for today, positive thinking, regretsLeave a comment

gratitude

Without the struggles I have endured, I would not be able to appreciate the strength I have gained. For that, today I am grateful. I could look at my life and focus on the negatives: Working two jobs to make ends meet… Living across the country from family and friends… Falling into bed at night from pure exhaustion. But if I did that, I would be living my life miserably.

I have to wake up each day in gratitude. When life gets tough, it is SO easy to have a pity party. Those struggles I’ve endured have led me to where I am today. I kinda like who I have become. I appreciate every little minute detail in my life, because I have been through some very challenging times. On some days, I have to remember the hard times of struggle, and realize that today, I am living in the solution.

Today, my life is FAR from struggle-free. However, I choose each day to get into, and remain in, gratitude! It’s a pretty damn good place to be!

~ Patti Crowley

Where Darkness Loomed

On By Patti StottsIn acceptance, change, Creating a new you, faith, happiness, instinct, laughter, life, love, new beginnings, patience, poetry, positive thinkingLeave a comment

darkness

Where darkness loomed,

now there is light.

Where emptiness existed,

now exists joy.

Where silence deafened,

now music plays.

Just within reach…

only a few more steps…

the light creeps in…

there for the taking.

The ultimate choice –

take another step or turn around.

~ Patti Crowley

Connecting and Reconnecting Souls

On By Patti StottsIn change, friendship, happiness, love, patience, positive thinking, relationships, spiritual growth, trustLeave a comment

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Connections, true and real connections, are what life is all about. Those times in my life when I felt I was at my lowest, were the times in which I was feeling disconnected from the world… spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I believe we have as much of a need to feel connected as we need air to breathe and water to sustain.

In relationships, people talk about the presence or absence of chemistry. I believe what we feel for another person is more of a soul connection rather than some physical phenomenon such as the existence of pheromones and chemistry. Once that true connection is made, it is unbreakable. There is no argument, no distance, and no situation that can tear that connection apart.

What I’ve learned about relationships is that it is not real until both people truly feel that sense of wanting forever. I have had my share of relationships that felt so right at the time, but in looking back, I realize I never felt a true sense of forever with that person. Sure, I wanted to be with them. Sure, we enjoyed each other’s company – otherwise we wouldn’t have been together. However, when I looked down the road five, ten, even twenty years, I did not have a clear vision of life with that person.

Then, one day you find that your soul has been deeply touched by another person, and you can actually close your eyes and see life with that person, side by side, for years to come. Distance may have pulled you apart physically. Circumstances may have gotten in the way of being with that person. Nevertheless, you find that within a piece of your heart exists a piece of their heart. When circumstances change, and you find yourselves brought together once again, you are drawn together like two magnets with a force that cannot be broken. True connection is, quite simply, a most magnificent thing.

~ Patti Crowley

Where is Home?

On By Patti StottsIn change, Creating a new you, friendship, happiness, life, life on life's terms, live for today, relocating, starting over, Uncategorized4 Comments

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I have now been in Arizona for 15 months, and soon will be heading back to Chicago to visit for the first time since I moved. You know the saying… “Home is where the heart is.”  I believe this to be true today more than ever. Although my mailing address is in Arizona, a HUGE part of my heart will always be with those I love back in Chicago. Luckily, I have made so many new friends in my new location which has given me even more reasons to love my life surrounded by the desert mountains.

Those who have not moved around may not completely understand the quote above. I have been given the opportunity to experience the “richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place”. How lucky am I? 🙂

The only drawback to moving across the country is not truly being able to identify where “home” really is. I love my life in Arizona, but at this particular time, my adult children, family, and many friends are back in Chicago. It is as if I live in the midst of two separate, yet deeply connected worlds. It has recently occurred to me that when I think of a place called home, it really does not exist.

So, I suppose home really is where the heart is. It exists wherever those I love exist. It is really not a physical place, but a feeling. In two weeks, I will go back home to Chicago to visit. Then, when the visit is over, I will return home to Arizona. Isn’t it a beautiful thing?

~ Patti Crowley